Recognizing what someone brings to the table

This post might be for you if one of the below statements irks you:

I do not know what I bring to the table.

I have no idea what makes my mentee special. 

The story:

When I first started at a big fancy corporate company I would show up, do the job, do it smiling, and expect praise. Then I had a similar conversation with my boss. I suddenly realized I was expecting praise for showing up to do the job I was hired for. Ouch! After following up this conversation with a plan of action, I began to feel a sense of belonging and I stopped questioning (as much) why I deserved to be there. Since then, I’ve coached many in this same way and we’ve all had a different but fruitful journey to discovering the value we add with a renewed sense of belonging. 

The conversation that started it all….

Mentee: I feel stuck and I’m not sure what to work towards.

Mentor: Okay, what are your differentiators? What stands out about you?

Mentee: I come to work with a positive attitude and I work hard. 

Mentor: Those are not differentiators…that’s what is expected of you as an employee. 

Mentee: Well, I’m one of the few on the team that actually do this, most of them just sit there and collect a paycheck. How is that not a differentiator? 

Mentor: A differentiator is what you bring to the team. If you left, where would there be a void?

Mentee: There would be a void in work getting done. 

Mentor: ***sigh*** Doing your job and doing your job to the best of your ability is expected of you. 

Think about it. What do you do that raises the entire team?

Mentee: ***pensive*** hmmmmm, the entire team??? I support diversity and inclusivity. 

Mentor: ***lights up with a smile*** Great! How do you do this?

Mentee: ***smiles triumphantly*** I always include people in the conversation and I treat everyone the same. 

Mentor: ***face palm*** It is expected of you to be inclusive and treat everyone fairly in your work environment. 

Do you post relevant articles to the teams communication channels, do you hold meetings to walk through non-bias exercises, are you participating in events or diversity committees? 

Mentee: Well…no. You’re telling me that I have to work AND do all these things???

Mentor: No, I’m telling you that what makes you different is where you go above and beyond. The impact of these differentiators is often reflected through the elevation of those around you. 

Take some time and think about what is important to you. Reflect over the last year on where you saw gaps in projects and worked to fill them. Think about when you spoke up in meetings and company events you felt were impactful. 

***two weeks later***

Mentee: So my big differentiator is that I’m a driving force for working getting done. I like to participate in meetings where I keep people on track and prevent unnecessary work from being done. But when I take charge that causes some ruffled feathers with other engineers. 

Also, I have no idea what another differentiator would be. 

Mentor: That’s excellent!!! We can work with that. Out of all the meetings you have attended, who impressed you the most on leading meetings? Who provided the most thoughtful questions in a meeting?

Mentee: Ms. Plum, she’s always friendly and seems to ask the one question that drives to the heart of the matter. I would not even realize the question was relevant until after it was answered! 

Mentor: Great! Why don’t you set up a 15/30 minute meeting with Ms. Plum and ask her how she prepares for meetings. If you can relate to what she says, ask her if she will mentor you in this area. 

Mentee:…..but you are my mentor.

Mentor: Do you want to conduct meetings the way I do?

Mentee: ***blushes*** No, I actually don’t really know how you conduct meetings. 

Mentor: The key with mentors is finding someone you want what they have, you ask them how they did it, then you do it. It’s actually quite simple and not insulting. You are on your own unique journey. A mentor is here to help you with that. The goal is that you grow.

Now, since you don’t have a second differentiator, what is a cause, issue, skill you want to be known for? 

Mentee: I really liked the idea of supporting diversity and inclusion. 

Mentor: Great! How do you want to go about it?

Mentee: Honestly I don’t know. I don’t even know where to start. 

Mentor: Start off small. And remember your boss has to approve of the development of this differentiator. Leaders like to make decisions, not create plans. Come to your leader with a goal, plan, and impact to work. Most boss’s are fine with additional endeavors as long as your current workload is not impacted and you provide a plan.

A plan looks something like this:

Goal: I want to encourage an inclusive environment in my team. 

Plan: (This is where you google a lot) Conduct 1 hour long bimonthly meetings. The first 30 minutes we conduct an exercise and the last 30 minutes we discuss what we learned from the exercise. 

Impact to work: 4 hours a month. 2 hours for meetings, 2 hours for prepping materials/research/communications for meetings. 

Now, go forth and embrace what makes you different!

Key Takeaways:

• Mentee: Practice being honest with what you want and like to do.

• Mentee: Discern what is work verses random thought of the day. How can you be helpful. What does your leadership care about? What topics leaders often bring up, complaints? Actively listen to casual conversations leaders are having.

• Leader: What would you lose if this person left the team? What skills do they provide? What atmosphere do they create on the team? Note: The class clown is just as important as the straight A student. Comradery is a differentiator. 

• Leader: Actively listen and ask pointed questions to pull out the truth. (This is a practised skill, not an check box)

• Leader: Create a simple plan of action that puts them in the right direction. Might define one benchmark to give them a goal. I.e. have a meeting with others. This will create the plan of action with questions; what do I need for the meeting? What will we do, exercises? What do I want the attendees to take away from this meeting?

• Leader: Until you know what the mentee wants to develop, it will be hard to grow them in any direction. Identifying what a mentee wants to develop is a good place to start.